These pages are intended to help those who have been asked to conduct Buddhist funeral rites, or for non-Buddhists who have been bereaved, and wish to seek advice for the funeral of a Buddhist friend or family member.
It has been put together by Caroline Brazier of the Amida Trust and Rev. Saido Kennaway of the Order of Buddhist Contemplatives, who recently (Autumn 2004) ran the first weekend workshop of the NBO Funerals Advisory Group, which was set up in response to requests for such an advisory service.
This is to be followed by:
A TWO DAY workshop for Buddhists who might be involved in running funerals
October 18 th – 19 th 2005
The two day workshop will provide an opportunity for people who think they might be called on to run or help to run a funeral to find out more about what might be involved.
It will be suitable for people who attended last year's event, but will also offer newcomers a chance to “catch up”.
For further details, emai:l courses@amidatrust.com or download a flyer
Elements That Might be Included in a Funeral Ceremony
THE CEREMONIAL SPACE
The funeral takes place in a space. Consideration can be given to the impact of this space in terms of its mood, privacy, intimacy etc. Sometimes more than one space is involved in the funeral eg the room where the main funeral is conducted is separate from the site of cremation or burial. Other times the funeral takes place in one location eg the crematorium. The space may be available for as long as is wanted or for a limited time. It may be privately arranged and so a lot of thought can be put into the layout of seating, a shrine etc, or there may be little control over the layout, decoration or atmosphere of this space. Here a degree of personalisation can be helpful. A shrine can be set up if this is wanted and it may be possible to quickly alter features that don't work, perhaps with draped cloth or pictures.
ENTRANCE:
At the start of the funeral the “entrances” will set the tone for the occasion.
The entrance of the body may take place before people are assembled or may happen once everyone is in place. If the coffin is already in place when people enter the room it will be the focal point for most people. It may be surrounded by significant objects – tokens of love or reminders of the person who has died, such as photos. Malas, Buddha rupas, candles and other religious symbols can be arranged near the coffin. The coffin may be open or closed. In some Buddhist traditions there may be customs around this. If the coffin is to be carried in, the procession carrying it needs to convey the mood of dignity, but maybe lightness or affection too. The coffin may be preceded by someone carrying a Rupa or other significant object.
The entrance of the congregation / guests will provide their first visual encounter with the space in which the ceremony is to take place. The presence of flowers, tributes, a shrine, the coffin or other objects, as well as the general décor of the place will all contribute to the occasion and to any message the funeral organisers wish to convey about the type of event to be expected. It is worth walking into the room as a “guest” once the space is set up to check the impact of the surroundings.
The entrance of the celebrant or celebrants , if this occurs after the congregation arrives, will be ceremonial. This adds dignity to the occasion. The appearance of the celebrant gives immediate impact – dress needs consideration. This may involve religious clothing, but may involve a suitable smart but unobtrusive outfit. To some extent this may be influenced by the overall style of funeral desired by the family (for example do they want people to wear black or do they want to encourage more colourful clothing). The pace of walking on entry is important both in lending dignity and in creating the right mental state for the celebrant. It should bring weight to the occasion.
There may need to be a sign, such as the ringing of a bell, that proceedings have started.
WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION
The funeral probably begins with a welcome. This can be short, or may involve longer explanations. Generally it will include:
- Greeting and thanks to people attending
- Brief mention of the person who has died and tribute to them (the main tribute will come later)Introduction to the ceremony.
- A brief explanation of what will happen and maybe to any Buddhist content that may be unfamiliar to people, together with an explanation of why it was included, can be helpful.
CEREMONIAL
The central part of the funeral can be a time for creativity in which the family's wishes and those of the deceased if these are known can be included. Elements may include:
- Offerings and invocations. These are often made at the start of the ceremony and may be traditional or personalised. They may be carried out by the celebrant or by the whole congregation.
- Readings of texts, poetry, music, extracts from literature
- Collective chanting, recitation or hymn singing
- Silent meditation, possible with some guidance
- A short talk giving a religious perspective on death
- Personal rituals. eg writing cards to deceased, laying flowers, lighting candles, taking momentos
- Input from other faiths. Where a family or the deceased has connection with other faiths, elements of their traditions may be included.
It can be good to include as many people as possible doing readings etc. Ceremony can also involve the congregation in active ways.
PERSONAL SHARING AND TRIBUTES
Part of the funeral generally involves making tributes to the deceased. This can include
- The funeral oration – a longer commentary on the deceased person's life and achievements given either by the celebrant or a close relative or friend of the deceased.
- A series of shorter sharings from different people prepared in advanced
- Spontaneous sharing
It is usually appreciated if this sharing gives a picture of the person that is alive and will evoke memories. Amusing and quirky stories can be helpful. It does not usually work to over-glamorise the deceased or paint them as too saintly or brilliant to be believable. People want to remember the real person.
SENDING FORTH THE DECEASED
Towards the end of the funeral there needs to be some element of letting go or sending the deceased person on. This may accompany the actual cremation or burial. The words here may be traditional. They may refer to a particular metaphysic specifically, to the Pureland, pure abodes, bardos, rebirth or whatever tradition the deceased adhered to or they may allude more generally to a good rebirth or simply to going forth in peace.
MESSAGE OF CONTINUING LIFE
At the end of the funeral it is common also to include an element that sends the congregation forth into life. This may be expressed in images such as those drawn from the natural world – leaves growing again in spring, the continuing cycles of night and day and so on. They may be more specifically religious, referring to a text such as the Buddha's message to his disciples at his parinirvana. Alternatively it may be implied by something such as a poetry reading or piece of music that brings closure
DEDICATION AND ENDING
A final dedication of the funeral ceremony itself may follow. It can be good to choose a particularly dramatic or powerful reading at this point. The last item needs to offer closure. It may also leave departing mourners with a feeling of a greater power. Alternatively an item that coveys peace and calm may also be appropriate and will also give closure.
As with the entrance, the ending of the funeral is with a series of departures. The coffin is either carried out or cremated. The celebrant leaves with due ceremony and the congregation also depart. There may be some ritual element such as offering incense, chanting mantras, leaving token offerings etc.
As ideas and conventions linked to the type of funeral people want change, so too have many people's attitudes to the type of funeral or memorial service they want. One of the fundamental aspects of many of the rites associated with world religions is the celebration of the person's life and more and more people want a service that reflects this and helps create a lasting memory.
People are beginning to request services that are more personal and that adequately reflect the person and the sort of life they led. Favourite music, both classical and contemporary is increasingly common, particularly at crematorium and people now often incorporate photographs or mementoes
Because of the taboo that is associated with discussion, planning or preparation for death by anybody other than those closest to it, any expression of preference or forward planning is considered macabre and untimely. It seems that we plan for so many things in life, some of which may never happen, such as taking out travel, accident or terminal illness insurance cover, so it must strike us as absurd not to plan for the one thing guaranteed to happen to us all.
Some Useful Facts
- There is no legal requirement to have any kind of funeral ceremony at all
- There are no legal statutes governing what form any ceremony should take
- You are not required to use a clergyman
- The funeral service does not have to be in a licensed building - it can be held in your home (unless you want an Anglican service in England)
- You are not required to use a coffin (but may be required to use one by local bylaws if using an official cemetery or crematorium)
- You can be buried on private land, such as your garden (see page on Organising a Green/Woodland/ Alternative Funeral)
Simple Ways to Personalise a Funeral Service
- Consider the music - you may not want to use the organ, but prefer a CD or cassette player, or even a live musician. Discuss it with relatives, the minister officiating and the cemetery/ crematorium staff.
- Think about individual contributions such as an address, a reading, poem or favourite story. Plan a running order so that those contributing know when to do so.
- Consider personal items that might help to reflect the person who has died, or that might make the ceremony more special, such as scented candles, a special throw to drape over the coffin or a photograph of the person
- Consider the seating. It may be that if it is not fixed, seats can be placed in a semi-circle for a less formal atmosphere.
- Hand people a memento as they leave - after a service I attended, everyone was handed a sprig of rosemary which is an emblem of remembrance.
Music
Whilst many traditional hymns can be quite comfortingly familiar, they are essentially religious and may not always be appropriate. Traditional church services may be more difficult to personalise, but certainly crematoriums and other private ceremonies offer a much wider scope for musical choice. The broad range of music performed at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, including Elton John's rewritten version of 'Candle in the Wind' cleverly reflected the wide range of tastes and ages of her many admirers around the world. It also showed that it is possible to vary from the traditional and still be dignified and uplifting.
However, it is important when choosing music to remember that what to one person might be fun and a statement about the person that has died, others may find it offensive.
If you would like to share the music you have found inspiring or that you have specially chosen for yourself or a loved one, then please email us on info@ifishoulddie.co.uk
Readings
The use of W H Auden's poem in the film 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' showed how powerful the written word can be at a funeral, and how a reading can make a lasting impression. There are many readings and poems that are appropriate and can be used to personalise a traditional church service or make a service less religious. Keep in mind whether the service is trying to convey a sense of the celebration of life or reflecting the agony of loss. It is also worth checking that the reader is able to cope with what will inevitably be a highly emotional moment.
See our page on poems and do contact us and let us know whether you have come across a quotation, poem or reading that has been particularly moving or comforting to you, on info@ifishoulddie.co.uk
Here are some forms that are useful for collecting essential information from relatives and funeral directors
| Declaration of wishes | Word Version | PDF Version | ||
| General Iinformation | Word Version | PDF Version | ||
| Information from relatives | Word Version | PDF Version | ||
| Information from Funeral Directors | Word Version | PDF Version | ||
| Flow chart funeral | ||||
| Flow chart burial |
You will no doubt have your own ideas of what you need to run a funeral but the following check list of commonly used items may be helpful:
- Clothing (religious or other suitable smart, neutral clothes)
- Incense
- Candles
- Matches
- Incense offering bowl or stand
- Water offering bowls
- A bell
- A Buddha rupa or other religious images
- A picture of the deceased
- Flowers and other natural items to set up a shrine and to decorate the funeral space
- Large cloths or throws to cover a table or make a backdrop
- Small folding table (s) for impromptu shrines or for putting items needed by celebrant on
- Cards on which mourners can write messages
- Any tokens the family wish to give to mourners (eg small posies of flowers, cards etc)
- Music (cassettes, CDs etc, and maybe player)
- Whatever service sheet, copies of readings, chants, hymns etc will be needed
- Cellotape, blu tac, pins etc
- Clingfilm and plastic bags
Particular ceremonies may involve using other items eg
- Water bowl and whisk
- Coloured cord or thread
- Musical instruments (drum, cymbals, wood blocks etc)
- Mandala offerings
- An image the can be carried ahead of the coffin
- Mala (rosary)
Logistics
Remember the coffin needs to be either already present or carried into the funeral space.
The route must be accessible. It will also need to leave.
Funeral directors may need to be briefed about removing shoes if you are holding the funeral in a shrine room.
As you are setting up the room prior to the funeral, walk through the entrance the mourners will use to check that the first view of the room is as you intend. If you are holding the funeral at a crematorium remember time is short.
Be prepared in advance to set up whatever you need quickly.
READINGS: THESE PIECES MIGHT BE SUITABLE FOR READING AT FUNERALS
Grief is the ashes from which the phoenix rises and the mettle of rebirth. It returns life from the dead. It teaches that there is nothing absolutely true or untrue....Grief will make a new person out of you; if it doesn't kill you in the making.
Stephanie Ericsson - "Companion Through the Darkness"
WHITE ASHES
In silently contemplating the transient nature of human existence, nothing is more fragile and fleeting in this world than the life of a person. Thus we have not heard of a human life lasting for a thousand years. Life swiftly passes and who among people can maintain his form for even a hundred years?
Whether I go before others, or others go before me; whether it be today or it be tomorrow, who is to know? Those who leave before us are countless as drops of dew. Though in the morning we may have radiant health, in the evening we may return to white ashes. When the winds of impermanence blow, our eyes are closed forever; and when the last breath leaves us, our face loses its colour.
Though loved ones gather and lament, everything is to no avail. The body is then sent into an open field and vanishes from this world with the smoke of cremation, leaving only the white ashes. There is nothing more real than this truth of life. The fragile nature of human existence underlies both the young and the old and therefore we must, one and all, turn to the teachings of the Buddha and awaken to the ultimate source of life.
By so understanding the meaning of death, we shall come to fully appreciate the meaning of this life which is unrepeatable and thus to be treasured above all else. By virtue of true compassion let us together live with the thought of Buddha in our hearts.
(Renyo, White Ashes: This piece is traditionally read at Jodoshinshu funerals)
The Heart Sutra
Kanjizai Bosatsu Gyo Jin Hannya Haramita Ji Sho Ken Go Un Kai Ku Do Issai Ku Yaku Sharishi Shiki Fu I Ku Ku Fu I Shiki Shiki Soku Ze Ku Ku Soku Ze Shiki Ju So Gyo Shiki Yaku Bu Nyo Ze Sharishi Ze Sho Ho Ku So Fu Sho Fu Metsu Fu Ku Fu Jo Fu Zo Fu Gen Ze Ko Ku Chu Mu Shiki Mu Ju So Gyo Shiki Mu Gen Ni Bi Zets Shin Ni Mu Shiki Sho Ko Mi Soku Ho Mu Gen Kai Nai Shi Mu I Shiki Kai Mu Mu Myo Yaku Mu Mu Myo Jin Nai Shi Mu Ro Shi Yaku Mu Ro Shi Jin Mu Ku Shu Metsu Do Mu Chi Yaku Mu Toku I Mu Sho Tokko Bodaisatta E Hannya Haramita Ko Shin Mu Ke Ge Mu Ke Ge Ko Mu U Ku Fu On Ri Issai Tendo Mu So Ku Gyo Nehan San Ze Sho Butsu E Hannya Haramita Ko Toku A Noku Ta Ra Sanmyaku Sambodai Ko Chi Hannya Haramita Ze Dai Shin Shu Ze Dai Myo Shu Ze Mu Jo Shu Ze Mu To Do Shu No Jo Issai Ku Shin Jitsu Fu Ko Ko Setsu Hannya Haramita Shu Soku Setsu Shu Watsu Gyate Gyate Hara Gyate Hara So Gyate Bodhi Sowa Ka Hannya Shin Gyo |
Quan Shi Yin Bodhisattva Practises deeply "other shore wisdom", Sees the five skandhas completely empty Goes beyond the world of affliction. Oh Shariputra, This world and the Pure Land are not apart! The Pure Land is not apart from here! The Form World is the emptiness The Emptiness World is this world of form. All the skandhas: regard them like this. Shariputra, See the Empty character of all: Not the birth and death world; Not the defiled and pure world; Not the gain and loss world. Be in the empty centre, Where the five skandhas are absent; Sensual attachments are absent; Sensual delights are absent; Sense made worlds are absent; Radiance is not lacking, Therefore no struggle darkness to destroy, Nor any other of conditioning's chains. Be free of decay and death. No need to strive to destroy them. No affliction, no arising, No suppressing, no path; Be not concerned with Wisdom and attainment. A bodhisattva relies On the other shore wisdom Where mind is no obstacle So there is no fear. Going beyond all troublesome states Just practise nirvana Like all the Buddhas, past, present and future, Just rely on other shore wisdom Thus attain supreme, perfect, enlightenment Samyak-sambodhi, Thus to know other shore wisdom The great inexplicable mantra The great radiant mantra The unexcelled mantra Incomparable mantra Able to clear away every suffering It is true. It is not false. Proclaim the prajna paramita mantra That is proclaimed and proclaimed like this: Going, going, going beyond, Always going beyond, awakening. Svaha! |
IPPEN'S HYMN (Ippen was a Japanese Pureland poet)
Search into yourself,
But froth on the stream
That soon vanishes
See nothing remains
Ponder on your life,
A shimmer of moon
With each fleeting breath
How it falls away
Human and god realms
We cherish and seek
Though we love such forms
No one can keep them
The pain of the hells
All the lower realms
Though we all hate them
We seize them again.
From far in the past
To this present day
The things we long for
Remain out of reach.
Some may understand
The two Dharma gates
But old mind still turns
Subverting the Truth.
Those entanglements
Cast them all away
And with a true heart
Just call Amida
With breath after breath
Amida Buddha
Namo Amida
The end of false thought
That very moment
From perfect bliss realm
Amida will come
With kind Quan Shi Yin.
Their hands they reach out
In welcoming joy
When we just entrust
They do draw us forth
HYMN: ENLIGHTENED, COMPASSIONATE
(Words: Dharmavidya : This hymn can be sung to the Christian hymn tune “Immortal, Invisible”)
1. |
Enlightened, compassionate, beyond human thought The way of nirvana the Buddha has taught. The wheel he set turning brought joy to the world The Dharma drum thundered, its banner unfurled. |
2. |
Oh Prince of the Shakyas, your kingdom disowned, We now in our own hearts will find you enthroned From out of your care for a world that was blind Renouncing a kingdom you conquered the mind. |
3. | So empty, so marv'lous, you cling onto nought By Mara, house-builder, you never are caught. His ridge pole is broken, his work all undone, The way of nirvana at last has been won. |
| 4. | For all life, in all worlds, you boundlessly care. Your pure deeds, your pure thoughts, your wisdom you share. With virtues so precious too numerous to tell, With pure light of kindness you darkness dispel. |
5. | Refreshing, restoring, by your perfect art The rain of the Dharma falls into our heart The seed of all goodness within us to feed That we may be nourished with all that we need. |
6. | No giver, no gift and no merit we see For all has but one taste in Dharma's great sea The taste of true love in our hearts evermore When trusting in you we cross to the far shore. |
POEMS FOR USE AT FUNERALS
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Mary Frye (1932)
Remember Me
REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad. ( Christina Georgina Rossetti. 1830–1894)
There are many web sites relating to funerals though I found very few that were helpful on planning the actual ceremony. One good source of ideas is to look at Christian sites and think about what parallels there might be in Buddhist Liturgy. Of course these are often very traditional in form and you may prefer something more creative. These web sites seem to have useful material. If you would like me to email them to you so you can access them by simply clicking, contact me on caroline@amidatrust.com:
http://www.funeralswithlove.com/funeral.htm
has simple advice on arranging funerals (might be useful to families)
http://www.buddhanet.net/funeral.htm
information about funerals in different Buddhist traditions
http://www.ifishoulddie.co.uk/religious_traditions.htm
comments on funerals in different religions (humanist section contains useful outline structure)
http://www.stjudefw.org/liturgy/funerals.html
A Catholic site – this one has general comments on composition of a funeral
Following notification from a user, we have found that a number of sites that were listed here no longer exist, in that they show as broken links. We apologise for this inconvenience. If you find broken links anywhere on this site, please email me: webmaster @nbo.org.uk
Similarly, please let me know if there any sites you think might be useful to be listed on this page.
See also
The New Natural Death Handbook Ed Nicholas Albery, Gil Elliot and Joseph Elliot (published Rider, 1997)
This has masses of information on all services which could be required around the time of death as well as advice on DIY funerals, burials etc.